Exposure - Conquest Wrestling Federation

"Starting off"

(I sit in my living room dreading the call I'm about to make. I push a button on my phone and then bring it up on my big screen TV. Instead to my surprise, her wife, Cassie answers.)

Cassie: Vespertine! How's my most fave band member this side of Lizzie.

Ves: Oh oh. This isn't a good sign. Is she in one of her moods.

Cassie: No, she actually isn't. We are just so doped up on pot, we haven't been able to leave the house for hours for fear we'll be caught by the Po po out here.

Ves: Since when did Lizzie start using marijuana.

Cassie: Oh we use it off and on or when we have had really stressful weeks. This weeks bombshell: mom got a terminal cancer diagnosis and got maybe a few more months to live.

Ves: Well that's a new one on me. Lizzie doing pot. This from the woman who taught me that in the ways of extreme, your body is a temple, no illegal substances or alcohol should ever enter it. Sorry to hear about your mom, when did we learn this?

Cassie: Monday. I'm not handling it well. And Lizzie, is.... well, Lizzie.

Ves: You know the history between her and her mom. Her whole family actually.

Cassie: Yeah...

(from the background I hear)

Lizzie: Who in the hell you talking to? That voice seems familiar.

Ves: Nightelf, Elf, my friend/mentor/enemy/nemesis, I am calling because I am in a conumdrum for an upcoming match and would like feedback.

Lizzie: Ms. Vespertine. Vessey. My protege/friend/archenemy/frenenemyFeedback? On a match? Nothing about my drumming this time? Or new songs.

Ves: Nope.

(Cassie scoots over and gets up.)

Cassie: See ya Ves, good luck. Talk to you later whenever.

(Lizzie hobbles over using her cane and then sits down to reposition herself. After our fed WCW closed down, she was being stupid at one point, got drunk, took her small car and decided to change lanes under a semi on the freeway near Deridder Louisana her hometown. The good news was she would never be able to wrestle correctly again. Retirement loomed. The bad news was: she was still alive and her tongue got sharper and her heart heavier. Then she met Cassie.)

Lizzie: Hit me. Whatcha got?

Ves: So I am in stable called Eternal Grove, a supernatural immortal force of people who are looking to take over CWF. You saw I won the Valor title off of Akame McClancy.

Lizzie: Ian's daughter, Tetsuo Oni with a mask. Yes.

Ves: So... I have my first title defense coming up at Vanguard against a man named Mozzyrella. All rapper, all sarcasm all the time. Very little in ring skills but he claims he's working on them.

Lizzie: I'm sorry, did I just hear you correctly. You gave someone a prop. Sort of respect. This is MY Vespertine, MY protege, I'm talking to? Secondly, what was this man's name again? Mozzy.... rella? Are you wrestling a man or a piece of cheese?

Ves: Both actually. He calls himself Mozzyrella. We've likened it to Mozzarella and the rest of the roster calls him String Cheese.

Lizzie: Does he have a manager?

Ves: Yes and no. Manager in wrestling, no. Manager in rapping yes. But he is mostly a roadie. Someone named Pauly.

Lizzie: Pauly? As in Shore?

Ves: We wish. Then his gimmick would make sense and be a lot more funnier and a lot less stupid.

Lizzie: Says the small Asian immortal supernatural "Hallow" female.

(I sigh, I think this was a bad idea. Lizzie smirks, she knows me what buttons she can push on me. Suddenly her eyes light up and I can tell when an idea strikes her.)

Lizzie: Hey! Now there's an idea. (stops, shrugs. When she thinks, she does it out loud but her half of her conversation with herself is mostly one sided and we never hear the other side of it.)

Lizzie: So... remember that promo you did in that other fed. I forget the guys name, something DJ or Dice or Deuce something but he always used sock puppets and portrayed himself as this heavy pot smoker that made no sense and was always surprised when he won. Self degradation as an art form. You burned his puppets in a promo. I don't think he liked that.

Ves: Oh yeah! What was his name?

Lizzie: I don't remember either but here's what you do.

(I push a button on my phone taking it off conference call and we talk for a while. I write down a lot of what we talk about, I smile and nod, give my imput. After what seems like 10 minutes, I totally get what she is telling me, which is almost a first. I push the button to go back into conference call.)

Lizzie: So.... which will either freak him out or he'll be indifferent about it. Either way it gets under his skin.

Ves: As only the original iteration of Nightelf can do.

Lizzie: Yeah, but that was during my run with the Dark Alliance and I was married to Deathbringer. Master of mind games.

Ves: Oh no! I get it. I just put my twist and spin on it. Make it more Vespertine style.

Lizzie: You got it.

Ves: Nice! Thanks Elf, you can be useful when you can focus.

Lizzie: HEY! I was always useful. Just.... not to my protege's and very rarely to you. My wife loves me.

Ves: So..... her mom has cancer?

Lizzie: Yeah.

Ves: Sorry to hear that. How she holding up.

(And we cut so we can get to the rest of the promo)
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Actual Promo 1"

:: Darkness again. Darkness everywhere::

(Then a spotlight comes up and we find ourselves in a large cement room. It's empty except for one chair in the middle of the light. Upon the chair sits a tied up and bound puppet (?) which is a replica of Pauly, Mozzy's manager. Still in street clothes, his hair is disshelved, and a lot of red paint splotches aare all over his clothes and face. Apparently, he put up quite a fight against whoever took him. A string goes up which causes the head to wake up and looks around trying to get his bearings and figure out where he is. A voice somewhere off in the darkness comes to him.)

Voice: Well well well. What have we here. A lost little boy (?) was playing with his friends and somehow ended up in the wrong place. (there is muffled laughter and fake Pauly's eyes get bigger as he recognizes the voice) Riddle me this, riddle me that. Why would you want to be the manager to that perfect little brat. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, tonight we have something spectacular to show you. It's the blue light special at Kmart.

(again muffled laughter and finally Vespertine steps into the light. She circles Pauly as she talks.)

You, my friend, are gonna be witness to the ultimate destruction of personal property in wrestling history. (She leans close to the ear.) And don't tell me that Mozzy thinks you are a friend. You maybe the manager to his rapper, you THINK you are a manager to his wrestler, you maybe whatever he deems you, but a friend. I doubt he calls you that, I doubt he feels that way towards you. Which is why when he sees this, the real Mozzarella and Jessica calvary won't be coming to help you.

(She twirls away from him (it), then twirls back and sits on his knees and puts her arms around his neck. She grins wickedly as she does this.)

Ves: I think after on the night after our fight, you'll find I can be a bigger monster than you can ever dream of. (She goes back in front of him and twirls in glee) SO.... to ask: What are we here for- (she stops, smiles evilly, and looks at his face and a string raises an eyebrow as if to make the puppet look worried) WHY sooo serious?

(She laughs)

What we ARE here for is to witness the greatest destruction of personal property in the last half century. Gentlemen! Open her up!

(She gets up and goes into the darkness, comes back with a chair and a bowl of popcorn and sits down right next to him. In front of them comes up a lighted room, like an line up room at a police station. And in this room, come out many of Mozzy Rella type puppets. All different forms, all different types but still they look like various Mozzy Rella iterations. They all get in the lineup and then from the walls, an alert siren goes off as like when Submarine prepares to dive. )

Ves: Hey Mozzy, you'll love this. I call it "Destruction of another man's property." You may call it a useless waste of a promo time but it'll hit when you sleep tonight. HIT IT!

(At her command, two flamethrowers go off inside the room burning all the puppets to a crisp. You can hear their exaggerated little screams as their twine and or wool go up in flames. The puppets run around in horror because they are on fire (why not). When all that dies down. Another siren goes off. The room is emptied and another group of puppets, probably from Mozzy long past of being a rapper. Vespertine hands the fake Pauly her popcorn.)

Ves: Hey P, you want some? (mockingly) Oh sorry, I see you're a little tied up at the moment.

(The sirens go off again as do the flamethrowers. She offers more popcorn to Puppet Pauly but still finds he is tied up with something at the moment. Finally when the flamethrowers are done, that room's light go off and she gets up off her chair and circles the Pauly puppet as she talks.)

Ves: You think you're next. I mean you could be. There is no guarantee that you won't be in that incineration chamber along with all your friends I just fried. Just play your cards right. I mean he doesn't miss you, he doesn't even care about you. You're just his go pher. Think on that for a little bit. Meanwhile (she skips around to his back and leans in to whisper in his little wooden ear.) This was just a little demonstration. A demonstration of what's going to happen come Vanguard. You, my sweet, are not bound for the same as those puppets. You were a witness to their destruction because the message I want to send to Mozzy after all this is: THIS IS REALITY. We don't play with puppets or sock figures here. The devil is in the details. And every, EVERY, one of your iterations that we know of was burned in there. You as rapper, you as boyfriend to Jessica, you as wrestler, you as hypeman, you as sarcastic gimmick monster. (Pause) The monster is coming. This succumbus will drain you of your dreams and your schemes. There is no rest for the wicked. For when he finally meets this wicked soul in the eye, he WILL know. He WILL understand, his time, like those of these puppets, is limited. Like the rapmaster he was, I WILL spin his record and I WILL make him dance.

(She stops, thinks, shrugs, shakes her head, then goes on.)

Ves: I WILL make him suffer and then I WILL beat him to keep the Valor title. I am the the Master Manipulater of Planet Eternal Grove. The Puppetmaster. YOUR Puppetmaster.

(She disappears back into the darkness.)

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Actual Promo 2"

(Camera comes up on a stage, red curtains are drawn behind it. As the spotlight comes up, a marrionette comes dancing out. You can definitely see the strings and what it looks like, a wooden version of Vespertine. But from the strings someone is controlling the wooden figure from above the curtains. When the figure talks, it is her voice but because the character is wooden, the movements are stiff and jaunty.)

Ves: See, Mozzy, I don't need a dark buddha guiding me to be as evil as I want to be. Yeah.... your safe.... For now. Not so much the rest of those puppets anymore. The world was at your fingertips and you tried pulling strings and you lost your Valor Title shot. That's when you lost control, gave us the worst promo performance of a lifetime so I came to pick up the pieces of you, the Valor Title shot and found my opportunity. You have no idea how annoying your performances are. Kinda like those freak puppet marrionette shows you see all around Europe. Remember Muppet show and Fraggle Rock? Yeah, neither do I but they were a THING. You know, maybe, just maybe this will give you an idea of how poor a performer you are. Creepy isn't it. Is that what it is like whenever you are alone in your head. Tell me, do you like playing with mics and audiences in a way that creeps them out. Creepy isn't it when it's coming from something else, the voice coming from somewhere else. Even your name is named after a food item. Who thought: I'm gonna name myself after a cheese because Cheese?"

(The figure turns its head as if looking at something but really it's a change of beat.)

Ves: To be clear so you have no misgivings about what I am saying to you: I don't like you, Mozzarella. For the simple reason is that you think this is a game. This is all just a game to you. Like those efeds where they have wrestlers and people behind wrestlers which are called handlers. They write out what they want their wrestler to say and then give them moves and finishers, strats and entrances and music to enter by. RP efeds, angle based efeds, match writing based efeds. But they aren't real just like you aren't real.

(It stares into the camera as it talks, creepy as the eyes aren't even real so they aren't focused straight ahead. It motions to something off screen, stiff and wooden like)

That isn't us. Only you. You treat this as one of those efeds when we most definitely aren't. A game to be played on the board of life. You think all we are is just another audience entertained by your complete bullshit lack of musical talent. You don't treat this as a business. You treat this like a rap concert and spit out these buddha be damned lyrics. You aren't here full time. You have no respect for those of us who make this our livelihood. For those of who want to make a mark in this federation. Who actually have the talent to do so.

(It cocks its head and reaches back to bring out what looks to be a cigarette of some kind. The figure puts it in their mouth.)

And that is the main reason I don't like you. Or one of the main reasons. I think that's the main reason none of us like you. You treat the women here like the misogynistic asshole that you are. You even treat your old lady with disrespect that she doesn't deserve. Buddha only knows what will happen IF you win this belt and if you go on to the level of the Conquest title.

(She smiles a wooden creepy smile)

I won't allow it. I won't let you. I will stop you in your tracks. You don't belong here. You aren't wanted here. You and you're little rap crew puppet posse. You know that but you keep showing up because you think its funny. Again your idea of a joke and the bullshit comedy that you like to infect this place with.

(She shrugs, strings go up, strings go down. It then smiles an almost sadistic smile. She reaches around again and produces what looks like a small knife. In that stilted way marrionettes do, it brings the knife up and tries to twist it.)

I twist the knife that burns your soul. I plunge the sword that takes your life. How it ends is up to you but it WILL end. Make it slow, make it fast, make it clean, make it messy but you aren't walking away with the Valor Title. The knife has poison on it and once inserted it is only a matter of time before the poison takes over and ends you. Then you can join your little puppet buddies up in their little puppet heaven.

(It snaps it fingers and suddenly a small flame is produced between it's thumb and forefinger.)

On Vanguard,

whatever fire you had, will be extinguished.

Whatever joy you had, will be taken.

Whatever roll you were on, will be stopped.

Whatever strings you pulled, will be cut.

Time to wake up and face the truth:

I AM YOUR PUPPETMASTER.

And like the puppets on their strings

YOU are the puppet on mine

Like Akame McClancy was when I met her

Last Vanguard.

(The spotlight goes out and as we look up to where the puppets strings are attached, we see the real Vespertine up there playing with the strings making the puppet dance and smiling for all the world like she is the Goddess that controls it. She looks at us and winks.)

Go hard! Or Go home! Right? All for the Valor title.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Another nerve wracking phone call"

(A few days later, I'm walking to my balcony when I get a call. I look at my phone. Night...elf? Probably with another idea for a song.)

Ves: Hey Dadner, what's up?

Lizzie: What in the fucking hell? What kind of fucking promo was that?

(What the- she's in a mood. Ok time to go bitch boss mode.)

Ves: I took your fucking idea and ran the fuck away with it. What? You don't like it, you know what you can fucking do about it. Oh that's right, you can't anymore. Someone decided to drive under a semi truck on the freeway.

Lizzie: Whoa, calm the fuck down. If I could still wrestle, I could kick your fucking ass all over that ring and still come out looking good. Better than you ever did. You were boring then, you're boring now.

(She sighs and changes gears, I can see it in her eyes)

Lizzie: You took my fucking idea and made it fucking glorious. Do you know how long I have been waiting for the "dark" Vespertine to come out. And now that I've seen it, you are on a fucking roll. You impressed me. That was better than you blowing up that trailer park. The rest of your scooby doo group doesn't have ANYTHING on you. You are the glue of that group and if anybody needs to get kicked to the curb it's the rest of them. They owe you nothing.

(I blink once. Twice)

Ves: Whoa wait. Who are you and what have you done with Lizzie Nightelf Dadner? Praise? For me? From you? Since when did Lizzie fucking Nightelf Dadner ever heap praise on anyone. Especially me.

Lizzie: That's why we make better band mates that we do rivals in wrestling. I drum with anger, you guitar with abandon, Billy boy keys with intensity, Cody shreds his guitar and Rae howls out the vocals like the she demon that she is. We are Inner Darkness and we are unstoppable, untouchable, and unconquerable. Just like you will be in this match.

Ves: The fuck we are. That's why we lock and load and we rock and roll. Why my opponents always get beast Mode before they feel death by diva.

(This can go on, it's rare moment but we'll end it there anyway)

DISCLAIMER: No actual Muppets or Marionettes were harmed in the making of this promo

CONQUEROR?

Puppet meet master